CHAPTER - 20

Janaki was not ready to meet Pranav when he came to her house. For the first time she felt an indifference to him that she never thought she was capable of, for him.

“Why are you here?”

“I’m withdrawing the divorce petition; that is if you still want this marriage for our child’s sake of course”.

She let his words sink in.

“Pallavi?”

“She left”

Janaki is not shocked at Pallavi’s decision but couldn’t help the surprise that he let it happen. She knew given a chance, Pranav would’ve preferred having both Pallavi and his child in his life.

“For our child”

That statement affected Janaki.

I somewhere knew Pallavi won’t accept Pranav after knowing about the kid. But the way he said it is enough for me to realize Pallavi left him FOR our child and not BECAUSE of our child. Also it seemed like he’s here today for the same reason. And he encapsulated all of it in that one phrase.

 She didn’t know how to feel about that information.

“Her career?”

“I don’t think you have to worry about her anymore”.

“You are okay with it?”

“This will be the last time we discuss her, if you don’t mind”.

“It’s not that easy you know”.

“I know. So let’s not make it tougher as well”.

She didn’t feel like responding to that.

“As I said, from now on divorce happening or not will be your choice entirely. But whatever our decision, I hope we agree on being parents to our kid without arguments”.

“Stop right there Pranav. Just because I’m listening doesn’t mean I agree to everything you say. This child, that you are terming now as ‘our child’ was a mere responsibility for you some nights back, a stumbling block in your life. And now just because you don’t have your lover by your side, you don’t need to come back to me and MY child. Stay out of our lives. We’re good without you”.

He nodded.

“I know I deserve this. But Janaki, I’m not doing this for myself but for the baby. I know my words have hurt you and I’m sorry for it. I know it is never going to be enough so let me make it right by my actions in future. Even if we continue as a couple or not, or if I had someone else in my life I had made my mind to give the baby everything  I wanted to get from my parents and that still stands the same”.

That soothed her nerves to an extent. She is at least glad to know he is finally feeling for their child. She knows that she is perfectly capable of raising her child, but a child need both its parents for a better life.

“So what do you want me to do?”

“You can decide. You can divorce me if you want. But let me near my child. I want to be his/her father in true sense. Please don’t deny that”.

“And what makes you think I will agree?”

He sighed.

“I know you will. After all we both won’t want our child to experience a repeat of our childhood. Am I wrong?”

“Pranav, are you serious about this? Or is it because Pallavi..”

“I’m serious Janaki. If you’re sceptical, you can take your time to decide”.

“That seems right. I don’t want to rush into any decision as of now. Let’s wait till the baby is born to decide our future with it”.

He agreed to that.

                                                          *********

From the time she’s back to her hometown, Pallavi becomes a witness to the taunts and gossips her family is being subjected to, on her behalf. She was not hurt by the taunts, but seeing her parents getting hurt affected her badly. She also saw how her one decision has affected her sister’s married life. She is suffering at her in-laws place.

Her father stopped talking to her since she denied getting married. Her mother blamed her and almost forced her for marriage while her father remained a silent spectator to it. But she just couldn’t get into a relationship at that point; she was too scarred for that. She failed to make them understand that; on the other hand, Veer and Laxmi had sleepless nights thinking about their daughter’s future.

                                                    ********

Janaki stood firm in her decision of staying at her home. So Pranav made sure to visit her and spend time with her as instructed by their family Doctor Sheila. Janaki had some complications and needed to be taken care of constantly. He dealt with her volatile hormones, mood swings and cravings like a dutiful father-to-be. This brought them close, not as a husband and wife; but they realized they could work as a team for their child’s sake.  

Janaki is not soft with him, yet she is rarely rude with him. Similarly Pranav is not too close to her, yet isn’t emotionally aloof like in the past. They developed an equation of ease which helped them get over the awkwardness of this second chance at life.

Janaki knew Pranav is dealing with his own emotions but she ignored it. He has to find his way out on own, she concluded. Just like she and Pallavi are doing it.

                                                                              ********

Jasmine has come to visit Pallavi at her home and is trying to persuade her back to work.   

“Just because you lost some opportunities, why are you giving up? You should fight for your right Pallavi”.

“I’m in a different mind state now Jasmine. I don’t want to fight, for anything anymore. Also my parents don’t want me to pursue my career. So be it. I can’t give them anything else than this.

“But no one is gaining from this Pallavi”

She just smiled.

“I wish I could smack that Malhotra”.

“I think you should start with me”.

“I know. That’s why I always said keep away from love business. It can only ruin”.

Just then Pallavi received a call from her sister.

“Pallavi we are going to hospital with Papa. I think he’s got a heart attack”

“Oh my God, what happened?”

Nisha moved a little away from her crying mother and whispered into the phone.

“Mrs. Kapadia insulted Papa, for...he couldn’t handle it and had an attack. Come to Care hospital fast”.

Pallavi gulped down her tears.

This is all because of me.

Jasmine accompanied her to the hospital. She rushed inside and enquired about her father. Seeing her people again began to whisper around, but Pallavi hardly cared. She ran to ICCU and saw her mother and sister there.

“Amma….”

Seeing her Laxmi lashed out.

“Are you happy now? Are you feeling contended seeing your father like this. You know he’s a heart patient right? This is his second attack. I think you will only be satisfied taking his life”.

Nisha tried to stop her, but Laxmi is enraged beyond limit. Jasmine held a shocked Pallavi’s elbow to give her support.  

“What wrong did we do in bringing you girls up? Didn’t we provide everything? Didn’t your father give you both the freedom you two needed? I was strictly against you entering such a disgusting field. But it was your father who supported your wish. And this is what you give him back? You cut our nose before society. Look at this girl (holding Nisha) she lived her entire life like a good daughter should. She is a good wife, good mother and a good daughter-in-law, yet she has to suffer at her home because of you, your sin. Couldn’t you think of the destruction you would bring upon your family before doing all this? How could you fail me like this?”

Laxmi broke into tears and couldn’t handle the pressure.

“Amma…”

“Don’t you dare call me your amma. I’m not your amma. Right now because of you my husband is lying inside fighting for his life. You are only bothered for your own needs. You are so selfish that you can’t see how hurt your parents are. If you had agreed for that proposal we brought for you, then that Sharmila wouldn’t have got a chance to taunt your father which caused his attack. Because of you, we are all suffering. Because of your one mistake, your whole family is paying. Don’t give us peace; remain as a burden to us always!”

Pallavi felt like she is slapped, by her mother. Not able to take anymore and not wanting to create a scene, she moved to a corner of the corridor and waited there. Jasmine went with her while Nisha tried to control Laxmi who was crying bitterly.

                                                       *********

After some hours

Her father is better now. He’s still in the ICCU, while they’ve taken a room for the night. Pallavi walked into the room on Nisha’s insistence to have dinner. Seeing her Laxmi got up and started to arrange food onto a plastic plate for her. She stared at her mother who is trying to hide her emotions and behave like nothing happened.

“Your dinner is there. I’m going to freshen up”.

When Laxmi is about to pass her Pallavi held her hand.

“I’m sorry Amma”

Laxmi wanted to hold her in arms and console her for her harsh words.

But I won’t, until Pallavi agree for marriage, I’ll have to continue this way. Otherwise my daughter’s future will be spoiled. Only by anger I can make my child find happiness.

“Pallavi, I don’t want to talk now…you have food and..”

“I’m ready to get married Amma”

Laxmi’s eyes became moist. Yet she said in an indifferent voice.

“You don’t have to do anything for us”.

“I will amma. I will do this for you”.

“You must do it for yourself. Marriage is not children’s play. Just to satisfy us, you needn’t get married. Being single is better than that”.

Pallavi looked down at their entwined hands.

“I’m damaged from within Amma; a lot more than I can show. Yes it is my fault. But I loved him Amma, I still love him. I don’t know if I can stop feeling for him. I wouldn’t have loved him if it was in my power. I tried Amma, I tried my best, to avoid all this. I couldn’t. No one will understand my spot. All can pinpoint me saying I’m selfish. But can loving somebody be selfish Amma…….maybe yes, I’m selfish……..but we never wanted to destroy our lives; we didn’t do it to hurt others. We just tried for our happiness Amma; but failed. We couldn’t gain happiness at the cost of a child’s future. So I had to let him go. I won’t get the happiness I’m looking for ever again. But it’s ok; if I can provide some happiness for you guys then I am ready to marry anyone you chose. I am ready Amma”.

Laxmi couldn’t hold her tears; she hugged her daughter fiercely. Both cried in each other’s arms.

“It’s ok baby. It’s not necessary we always get what we want. Sometimes some things which happen to us will be not what we wished; but it will be the best for you. You will get your share of happiness for sure. I will make sure of it. Trust your Amma on this”.

Pallavi just cried in her arms. Laxmi knew she is moving her daughter’s life into a new direction. She prayed for her daughter’s happiness.

Pallavi’s mind replayed Pranav’s face. She closed her eyes tightly.

                                                **********

Arjun Saxena was Pallavi’s childhood friend. They were distant relatives and bonded with each other at family functions over the years. He always loved Pallavi. Her passion for films did put his thoughts on hold. He was not sure if he can handle her profession and all that it entails. Even if he did, he was not sure about his parents. So years passed by and he moved on to other relationships.

But the moment he got to know she’s in trouble, he realized his feelings for her never really underwent a change. Against the opposition from his family, he proposed for her hand to Veer Nanda. He is a well educated, well behaved, abroad settled guy from their community, and Veer saw no reason to deny him. But Pallavi did take her time to even consider him.

Today he sat before her for a much needed talk.

“Arjun, we know each other from long. I don’t want to keep you in dark. I’m agreeing for this marriage for my parents. I’m really not ready for any commitment or relationship now. So you are free to walk out if you’re looking for that”.

Arjun smiled.

“What I’m looking for, is before me Pallavi”.

She looked at him with astonished eyes.

“I don’t want to keep you in the dark too. I have feelings for you Pallavi. I always had, but never had the courage to act on it. If I don’t do it even now, then it’s pointless”.

Pallavi averted her eyes when he looked at her intensely.

“But you don’t have to worry. I know right now what you need is a friend. I’m here as that old friend of yours. I’m ready to give you as much time as you need to accept me, to accept this relationship”.

Pallavi didn’t have a response t that.

“Give it time Pallavi, what’s bothering you today won’t matter later. And what you are running away from today will be what you need in future”.

She nodded slowly.

“I hope it is so”.

                                                **********

Viren was at outdoor shooting in Australia for last few months and has just come back. He was in touch with Pranav and supported him in all his decisions. Pallavi has informed him of her impending marriage. He passed the news to Pranav. He didn’t react to the news but when her marriage photos flooded the internet; he stared at her bridal look with empty eyes.

Viren knew both of his friends are hurting. He just hoped this is for their best. Pranav and Pallavi’s life has separated in a way that it is difficult to bring it to a common point again. Maybe it is not destined……..