CHAPTER - 15

                                         

Pranav informed Pallavi what transpired between Janaki and him.

Can’t even imagine what Janaki might be going through. And to face the fact that I’m also a reason for her plight makes me feel worse. What if Janaki’s life never resurrect after Pranav! Only if I could’ve attainted my happiness without hurting anyone!

She knew it is just wistful thinking. Now that she has entered the ‘no-entry’ zone, there is no going back. But she felt ashamed for where she stood in Janaki’s life; she couldn’t help but feel guilty.

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It is a free weekend for Pallavi, so she decided to catch-up with Jasmine at her apartment. They settled on the chairs placed in her large balcony.

“I am feeling like a criminal Jas”

“C’mon Pallavi, are you seriously moping on this even now?”

“What do you mean even now?”

“Is Pranav moping on this along with you?”

“Well, I don't know. I don't think so. He isn’t affected as I’m”.

“That is because he feels he is doing the right thing for himself. I bet that he is already feeling divorced. And you are here inventing reasons to feel worse”.

“Do I need to invent reasons, aren’t there enough already? Can you imagine what it is like to be in Janaki’s place? How can I not feel guilty for being the cause of her pain? When will I ever get over this?

“When Janaki learns to live her life without Pranav in it”.

She sighed.  

“Look Pallavi, you have two options before you – either follow what your heart says or what is expected of you.  Irrespective of right or wrong, this is what you want at the end of the day. So be bold enough to accept it and its consequences. Just don’t try to deceive yourself. Because I feel deceiving one’s own self is more difficult than deceiving others”.

“I know Jas. Do you think I haven’t analysed and reanalyzed all this? I don’t want to cheat my parents trust or Janaki off her life, but I can’t help it. I still don’t know how my parents are going to react. I just hope Janaki finds peace in life and my parents will forgive me someday. But until then I cannot shake of this feeling of guilt within me”.

“First get this straight; you are not the cause of Janaki’s pain. Many women desire Pranav. But he reciprocated your feelings. So he is the cause of her pain. It is his action of loving you back that hurt her; not you loving him. It wouldn't have mattered, if Pranav was faithful to her”.

“You’re right, but I can't rule out the fact that maybe if I did not happen to them...Pranav would have continued the marriage”.

“If you want to be guilty, I'm no one to stop you. But remember this, if you are going to blame yourself, you'll not find a moment's peace”.

There is a long stretch of silence as they sip their coffees. 

“I’m scared Jas, what if all this is momentary?”

“Life itself is momentary Pallavi! Nothing is permanent. You can only be sure of this moment and it passes away even before you can assert it in your mind”.

 She nodded.

“You both are in this together. So face the result with joined hands. If tomorrow you find yourself alone to face the situation, then be brave enough to take it in. You know this relationship is not going to be easy. Trust me, I don't have faith that this will last. So live in the moment and leave the future for what it will be. If you are able to enjoy your present, that will give you the strength to face the consequences -good or bad, in future. Make this moment all yours. If you succeed in doing that, nothing else matters”.

“Hmm, I hope I can do that”.

“Look, YOU have happened to him and HE has happened to you, so just accept this fact and live with it. Do that and you will be at peace. No matter how guilty you are feeling now, the truth is if you want, you can let go of this love even now. But you don't want to.  Admit it, you are selfish. Pranav has been able to do that and that’s the reason he is handling the situation in a much better way than you. Sometimes accepting you are human, helps in living like one!”

Pallavi stares at the sky.

Life is going to get tougher.

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Pallavi’s car came to a stop in front of Pranav’s farmhouse. She is having a break between her shoots for a week and Pranav has asked her to join him at his farmhouse, since the place will allow them some privacy.

Pranav is setting the dinner table for them. He is an expert cook and has specially prepared his masterpiece delicacies for her. And in that moment she realized any amount of shame, pain, even guilt is worth bearing, if this is the sight she could come home to in years to come.

She walked up to him and hugged him from behind. Pranav is surprised. He saw what he always desired to see on her face - clarity and determination, about them.

“What happened Pallavi?”

“What happened to me? Why, will I need a reason to hug you?”

She hugged him again, but this time resting her head on his chest, listening to his heart beats. He smiled at her words and held her close to him.

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Pranav is trimming his plants while Pallavi is engrossed in Pasternak’s novel Dr. Zhivago' sitting on the swing in the garden. Tears were rolling down her eyes; she closed the book, ran and hugged Dev from behind. He raised his eyebrow mockingly and questioned her without turning back.

“Now what happened to your hero?”

“Oh, I feel so sorry for Zhivago and Lara. Both of them love each other deeply; yet fate isn’t on their side!”

“Pallavi, it’s immature to get emotional on fictions”

 “You won’t understand”

He sighed while her face suddenly lit up with a naughty smile.

“King, from today I am going to call you Zhivago”.

“WHAT THE!!!!! Pallavi, you are mad, you know that right?”

“I know my Zhivago”

Saying that she rested her cheek on his back smiling widely; and Pranav couldn’t help the half smile that broke on his face.

                                              **************

Pallavi walked out of the temple with her shawl covering her face from others. When she came down the steps, Pranav is sitting inside the car waiting for her.  She knew he is an atheist; but she didn't question his belief and he didn't question hers as well. They had a mutual respect for each other which naturally allowed them to have their own space in the relationship.

                                             ****************

They are watching the bewitching beauty of beach at night.

“Why don't you like beaches Pallavi? Doesn’t a sense of calm engulf you listening to the waves lashing at the shore?”

“I feel so sad and melancholic whenever I see beach!”

Pranav looked at her for one long moment.

"After tonight, you won't hate beach ever!”

After some time, Pranav races his bike through the wet shore splashing the water on all sides, while Pallavi sat clutching his forearm for support. Slowly, she let go off her fear and spread her arms in the air closing her eyes; lost in the sound of the waves; she slowly lifted the glass shield of her helmet to get hit by the pressure of the wind beating her face which came along with Pranav's unique scent.
 

After some time,

“Now do you like beaches?”

“I don't know. But this memory will always fill my mind with happiness”.

They are taking each day as it comes, and living up to their fantasies. Who knows, what awaits them tomorrow!!!!!