NOTE + Hints

Dear friends,

This note is to give you an idea about my mindset regarding the story.

1.       First of all, I neither support nor am I against extra-marital affairs. That is not the purpose of this story. My opinion is that, these are personal matters. We don’t know why a man or woman in a marriage is going out in search of love or whatever! That is their personal issue. We can’t judge them because we don’t know how their life is. You can’t say this is right or this is wrong.

2.       Only when you are in the position of Lavanya or Kushi, you can fully understand them. But even then, when we are part of such an affair or when our spouse is part of it, we won’t be clear of what is right and wrong. It is complicated.

3.       When I am writing this story, I put myself in Kushi’s and Lavanya’s shoes and write. What will I feel if I fall in love with a Lavanya’s Arnav? What will I feel if my Arnav is in love with some Kushi? What will I do? Trust me; it is not easy to stand in both shoes.

4.      

If you have noticed, in most stories regarding this theme, only one side will be concentrated; that is either the female protagonist will be the wife character or the other woman. Initially, I was planning to keep Lavanya a closed character too. But then I changed that decision because I wanted a different approach. For me this story is a quest to understand some innate nature of relationships and family values.

5.      

My initial and sole purpose of this story was to speak for the ‘other woman’ in this triangle equation. Often the men fall for another woman and later they regret and go back to their wives for their children or out of guilt. Who is left behind with nothing is the other girl! And the society will make her life hell. Some of you might say, she deserves it. Yes, but doesn’t that male too deserve it? In fact more? In my view, no wife will be hurt if another woman is after her husband. It hurts her when her husband strays. So why is the husband, who did a more sin is left scot free? So, my aim is to talk for that woman. If I can change at least one of your perspectives’ regarding such a woman, I have attained my goal.

6.       Some of you had often asked me for a monologue of Arnav. Let me make this clear, I am not sure if I will ever post a monologue of his. It is because; I don’t know how a man thinks. I am a woman and I can only put myself in the shoes of another woman, not a man. If I give his monologue, it will be artificial. I don’t want that. I’m trying my best to bring originality into this work. So you will know and understand Arnav through his actions, as a third person can see. His inner thoughts will be a mystery, always!

7.       I am happy that some of you are feeling very intensely for Lavanya. Since this is an Arshi story, I was afraid if people will ever realise what Lavanya goes through!

8.       And sometimes it is a fact that people don’t find happiness in their marriage. Either the marriage would be arranged and the couple doesn’t find love in each other or they loved before marriage but after marriage they understand they can’t stay together and many such reasons. I love the question Rani asks initially to Sharukh in the beginning of KANK – “What if I get my true love after marriage????” Have you thought of it? What if in later life you don’t find happiness in your marriage, you adjust to it. But what if you FIND real love elsewhere? Not that always such affairs will be true; there can be cheats and people who take advantage of the situation too. But at times, like Maya and Dev some find another person out of marriage with whom they find solace! I don’t know if it is not right or wrong. But the least I could do is not ‘judge’.

9.       And lastly, some of you say La is wrong to cling on, some say Kushi is wrong to break a woman’s marriage to gain her love. Both are right in a way. But for me, some asked my opinion personally, so, for me Arnav is wrong and right, Kushi is wrong and rightand Lavanya is wrong and right. Y?

10.   Arnav is wrong because, deal or not he is in a bond and is responsible for this whole chaos in three lives. Kushi is wrong because she know there might not be a future for this affair but still went ahead for temporary happiness. La because she didn’t work on her marriage early. Instead of giving him space, she should have tried to concretize the foundation of her marriage. But you can’t blame any of them too.

Arnav, as said above, found true love in Kushi not in Lavanya. He didn’t feel the way he feels for Kushi for La. He didn’t try to cheat La by having an affair or disrespect Kushi by asking her to be his mistress or to keep this relationship hidden. He took the correct steps of informing La, arranging for divorce, standing up for Kushi and facing everything together though he is questioned less! Kushi tried her best to resist her urges and desire for this man. She even went to the point of hurting him and herself. She denied herself even the friendship she had with him. She tried her best to move away but her love finally caught up with her making her selfish to live at least for a day with her love. La too had no one to teach her the basics of a relationship or how to work on it when she fell in love with Arnav. Seeing her parents’ example she thought she might not push him but wait! So each one of them are right and wrong. But that is how every deed of human beings is. A deed loved by some people will be hated by another. That is part and parcel of the world!

So that is all I have to say. I know all of you are waiting for updates. I hope this weekend I will be able to update both. Not sure, but as pooja holidays are there, I hope I will post at least one for sure.

CHAPTER – 18

                                          

Pranav got to know Janaki is back in town. He decided to meet her and prepare her for the media glare around their divorce. He reached her home and headed for the open door eyeing another car inside the premise.

“How many times I have to advise you to not take stress? It is not good for your condition. But you never listen”.

Janaki had a low BP but luckily her maid saw her fainting and rang for Sheila, their family doctor, who was scolding her for her carelessness. This is the sight that greeted Pranav.

“What’s going on here?”

 He acknowledged Sheila with a nod, and strode towards Janaki.

“Janaki, what happened?”

Janaki stared straight into his eyes.

“Nothing Dev, just low BP; it’s very normal during pregnancy I guess”.

Her casual statement hit Pranav like a whiplash. It was unprecedented on many levels for him that he could not bring himself to react in any manner. But maybe due to her mood swings, suddenly Janaki felt really comfortable and cool in conducting this conversation. Her ire got the better of her. A blind fury is propelling within her to burst it all out on him. Mindful of the tension, Sheila took leave of them. Maids also retreated to their quarters offering them the much needed privacy to hold this unavoidable discussion.

“I think you should just speak up Pranav. I know you are not happy with this news, but we can hardly deny this. What do you want me to do?”

He closed his eyes unable to react to this sudden change in his life. Janaki’s sarcastic question pulled him out of his stupor.

“Do you want me to abort our child?”

“SHUT UP Janaki! I never said anything like that”.

Janaki nodded mockingly.

“Okay, one question down. So now what are you going to do about this? You are in LOVE with someone else. But unfortunately I am carrying your child. Now what? Whom are you going to choose? How are you going to solve this problem?”

No matter how much I love this man, I’m feeling really good when I can hurt him like this. I know he is hurting but I can’t care less. He doesn’t want me to abort the child. Then what does he want from me now, from Pallavi?

 It is like she is getting some kind of a pleasure by being sarcastic of his plight. Her hormones are driving her to be cold so that it can save her mind from the hurt that is to follow.

“I need time to think on this. But I want to know something”.

She signed him to go ahead.

“Do you want this child?”

She looked at him with wide eyes. Sensing her anger, he rephrased his words.

“No Janaki, I do not mean what you are assuming. It’s just that, you know the timing. Right now we are on the verge of parting our ways. This situation is my mistake. I just want to know if you are really keen on having this baby. I don’t want to add any liability to your life”.

“My child is NOT a liability for me Pranav. But I’m not sure about your thoughts on the same”.

“Right now I’m confused....I don’t want to give a rushed answer. It’s just that....everything was going good. But this baby now, changes a lot of things. I just don’t know”.

A giggle left her lips. Slowly she started laughing like possessed.

“Can people be so selfish? I know you don’t love me, yet I’m swallowing my self-respect and literally trying for a second chance for our child’s future. But you....how can you still think only about your happiness, even now?”

He had no reply.

“You know what, though my mind told me that you might not need this child, I never for once thought you will consider your happiness before your own child. I thought….I thought you will at least think for your child’s future. But all you can bother about is your happiness, your life! You don’t even care for your own child before you needs; how SICK!”

“SHUT UP. You’re going overboard Janaki. I know, my reaction is not ideal, but neither did I ask you to abort the child’s existence for my happiness”.

“It doesn’t make you noble Pranav. I can see it in your stance; you’re still trying to accommodate your happiness along with this. You’re searching for solutions so that you don’t have to lose anything but also take up this responsibility. You’re not willing to compromise Pallavi, even for your child”.

“Oh so this is it. Now we are talking. How are you different then Janaki? You’re also using your child for YOUR happiness”.

Furious tears filled her eyes.

“What? Can’t hear the truth now? All this being extra, is not for the unborn child, but for you. This is your last chance at a life with me and you’re simply trying to grab it. But I won’t blame you Janaki. Because when it comes to one’s own happiness, all are selfish. I won’t judge you. But it’s my choice who I want to choose”.

She is stung by his words. She doesn’t know if it is the truth in his words or anger at him for his selfishness or her jealousy, but she blurted out.

“Are you sure you still have the right to make a choice here Pranav? Will your lover still need you when she comes to know you’ve fathered a child with me?”

She finished with a smug vengeance. His face went pale.  

“Let’s see if she is also as selfish like us and if her parents let her be so, that she decides to spoil a child’s future. Let’s see what the mighty Pranav Malhotra does if she denies for his wedding bells”, she finished with a mocking expression.

Pranav had nothing to say.  

                                             

CHAPTER – 17

                    Janaki stared at her wedding ring.

 She’ll never forget the moment when Pranav made her wear it when he officially proposed her for marriage. He was shooting in Dubai, when she had to come here for official reasons and they had met. Their family had decided the wedding date by then and they were all set to enter matrimony. She had demanded an official proposal though they were considering the marriage to be one of convenience and he had obliged her.

He always did. He did care and never denied me anything in our years of togetherness. Where has that Pranav gone?

Those are priceless days in my life. Yes, love as a feeling hadn’t risen in our relationship. But there was care, concern, companionship which laid a solid foundation for love to bloom. And it did, but it didn’t last long enough.

“So you are pregnant. And he doesn’t know it yet?” Priya’s question stretched between them.

Priya, Janaki’s best friend stayed in Dubai. When she got to know of Janaki’s situation she asked her to come to Paris, since she’s heavily pregnant and can’t travel to India. But soon after reaching Dubai, Janaki found out shes’s pregnant, with Pranav’s child.

“When are you planning to inform him?”

“I really don’t know”

“I guess, keeping it hidden is not going to help either your or him. The delay might really cost you both”.

“I know”

“Then what’s holding you back?”

“I…..I’m afraid he’ll….”

“He’ll deny this responsibility?”

Janaki didn’t reply in words but the unbridled confusion and nervousness on her face said it all.

“You have to let him know, and allow him to disclose his preference rather than you guessing it for him. What if he doesn’t mind the child’s presence in his life even if the divorce happens?”

“Actually that’s my biggest fear. That he might accept our child, but deny giving him/her a proper family”

“Whatever he has to say, you will have to hear it from him sooner or later. The procrastination will only cause you more pain and anxiety. And it’s not good to be anxious at this stage in life Janu. It can affect the child badly”

Janaki sighed. She knew all this, but she couldn’t bring herself to go back and face the truth of her life.

“I’m not prepared”

“And you never will be, no one can be. You can’t plan and meditate such situations in life. Just go with the flow”.

“It’s easier said than done. You have to stand in my shoes to actually understand my predicament”.

Priya sighed.

“This is a worse space for a kid to grow up. We both have faced the repercussions of being kids born in broken family. I hope, he doesn’t repeat our parents mistake”

“I understand your dilemma Janu. But maybe this is for the best. Since you both are from broken families, you will have a clear idea of what and how to provide your child with, so that he/ she grows up without having the complexes you guys had”

“It’s just good on ears; in practical life there is no way to make it easy for a child thrown into such a sticky situation. No matter how cordial and unified we try to be for our kid’s sake, it will never be enough. He will never have that ‘complete perfect family’ and just like us, he will have to deal with the shortcomings of not being born in such a family”.

Priya felt bad for her friend.

She’s torn between self respect and the needs of her unborn!  But I also know, somewhere she’s hoping for a life with Pranav again, with this child. This should have been a happy phase of her life!

“Janu, do you really want such a man back in your life, who couldn’t respect or care for you?”

“I don’t know Priya. I can act before him and everyone else, that my self-respect is my priority but deep down.... I’m still not over him. Yes, I know probably things will never be the same again for us, no matter which path we choose ahead. A wedge is inevitable, but I know....if I decide to go ahead with this pregnancy, he will be my side to see this through. He will never deny this child; he’ll fulfil his duty as a parent and help me raise him/her without the ugly shadow of our divorce affecting him. But it will never be enough….neither for me….. nor my child”.

Her eyes revealed a thin sheen of tears.

“I know he’s not a bad person Janu. Yes maybe one can’t help who to fall in love with, but to cheat or walk away from a relationship is a choice one makes. Let’s leave it on him who he wants to cheat or who he wants to walk away from after learning this new truth of his life! Let’s hope he makes a decision that’s good for all involved”.

“I understand. But I’m not sure if I am strong enough to go face that decision of his; because this time it involves my child too”.

“You’ll never know unless you try. And ‘being strong’ comes from our psyche. It entirely depends on us. If we are ready to be strong, then we can face anything! Go back to India and sort out your problems. Life is too short to mop around contemplating about ‘what-ifs’!”

Janaki nodded her head slowly and looked out at the clear sky.

                              

CHAPTER - 16

    

Pallavi finished her first schedule for Girish Bharka’s film with this scene. Suraj Gupta’s project with Pranav has been completed two weeks back and while Pranav is concentrating on his advertisements, Pallavi started shooting for Bharka’s film.

Right from the time she reached set, she is confused by the strange stares coming her way. From spot boys to Producer is staring at her when they thought she isn’t watching. In fact the Producer seems tensed and she did catch him glaring at her more than once. She also saw the Director and Producer involved in a heated discussion. And when they came to her a little later they just talked about the shot and seemed unclear regarding the next schedule. Though she felt something amiss, she ignored that thought.

But just as she left the studio, an angry mob covered her car from all sides. Securities at the studio, and her bodyguards tried to control them. The mob is screaming something in anger while hitting the glass windows of the car. Her breath hitched when she heard their words.

”WE DON’T WANT A HOMEWRECKER AS ACTRESS. BAN PALLAVI NANDA”

They are here to halt the shoot and have Pallavi removed from the film. Not just this film, they are adamant on not letting her act in films hereafter. They pledged to create ruckus at every set she is going to be part of.

Pallavi is bewildered at this unexpected amount of hate and she didn’t see the stone aimed at her. Though it could not crack the glass and hit her, the bruise has been made. She couldn’t contain her shock. 

Media reached within minutes. They started covering the issue with enthusiasm; completely ready to make this their meal for the day. Police also arrived when things escalated. They made way for her car to pass through the mob.  

Pallavi watched through the dark tainted glass windows, her posters and effigy getting burned. Her smiling face reduced to ashes before her eyes. The placards read words that would forever be sealed in her mind. She felt tears clouding her eyes.

                                                       ************

“How the hell did this leak Viren?”

Pranav is on phone with Viren while driving to his farmhouse. He’s just back from Dubai after an ad shoot, and sleeping when all this happened. It was Viren who informed him of the commotion at Pallavi’s set. Immediately he turned on the news channels and got bewildered by the attack on her. Though he wanted to leave for her sets immediately, Viren pointed out that it will bring in unwanted attention. So he asked Pallavi’s driver to take her to his farmhouse making sure there’s no tail behind them from media and is heading there.

“Don’t panic. Such news doesn’t remain hidden for long. Already there were speculations. You have to decide the next step now”.

“I don’t want to hide anything. I was just waiting for the divorce to come through”.

“Pallavi will get questions from her family. Ask her to be prepared”.

“It shouldn’t have come out like this. Pallavi doesn’t deserve this Viren”.

“She decided to get involved in such a relationship. So she must be ready to face the consequences. The only thing you can do now is be with her. She needs you and also decide together how you want to handle this issue”.

“Hmm okay”

                                                          *************

Laxmi was making breakfast for her husband when she heard the news blasting loud on TV. She rushed to the living room knowing very well her husband is listening to the news.

“What is all this? Is our baby safe?”

“Hey don’t panic Laxmi. She’s fine. You just try calling her”

“Yeah”

Her fingers trembled as she tried to dial. Veer took the phone from her and asked her to relax. He tried Pallavi’s number which went unanswered.

“Why is she not picking up our call? Is she ok? Did they hurt her?”

She could see the mob attacking her car and throwing stones and burning her effigy. Laxmi couldn’t keep calm.

“Doesn’t she know we will be worried? Can’t she give us a call and let us know she’s fine?”

“Hey Laxmi, relax. It’s nothing. All this is just part of her career. Fame and such issues go hand in hand in that field. Our daughter is fine. See even in the footage shown, she’s not hurt. She might be handling the news and things. She will definitely give us a call. Meanwhile I’ll try to get through her team”

She couldn’t relax. The attack did scare her, but she is worried over the reason behind this attack.

Being an actress, my daughter is often dragged into rumours. But never had it led to any such atrocious act, then why now?

She couldn’t bring herself to believe this rumour.

No...No....I have raised my daughter better than this. I can’t mistrust her. She will never go against our values. This is fake news. They are attacking my child for nothing.

“Laxmi”

She raised her eyes to him. He wiped her forehead which had sweat beads on it. 

“Don’t you have faith in our daughter? She will never do this. I know my child”.

She hugged her husband.

“Our daughter will never bring shame to our name. She will never break my trust; neither will she let my dignity be maligned. I have complete faith in our Pallavi”.

For now, Laxmi tried to find assurance in her husband’s unshakable faith in their daughter.

“We shouldn’t delay her marriage anymore. She can continue her career even after marriage. At least now you should listen to me. Don’t give in to her pleads for more time”.

“Hmm, we’ll think about it. Right now let’s just not over react. Pallavi needs our support right now”.

When he saw Laxmi all set to protest he consoled her.

“But yes, we will contemplate it seriously this time”. 

For now that assured her.

I won’t rest until my daughter’s life is settled.

                                                    ********************

 Nisha is serving tea to her in- laws after she’s back from work. Her sister’s scandal is the hot topic of discussion in the room. Seeing their displeasure and comments about Pallavi she is getting affected. Akash who is also listening to his parents rant, raised his eyes and met hers. He silently blinked his eyes in assurance. She just hoped this news doesn’t turn out to be true.

It wouldn’t be good for anyone.

                                             ***************

                                                                                                                             

Jasmine is driving her bike when her cell began to ring relentlessly. She parked her bike and attended the call hurriedly.

“Jasmine, it’s me Viren”

“This scandal will affect Pallavi more than Pranav. I hope you guys are handling it right?!”

“His team is controlling the media outlets. But then people will talk. For now they will have to lay low and not respond to this news”

“But I think they should deny the link up for now so that it will pass as a rumour. That will be healthier for Pallavi’s career”.

“I know, but I guess they are planning to come out in the public”

“That will be suicidal. At least not until his divorce comes through”

“Hmm maybe he can reveal about his divorce but deny this rumour. But I don’t think it will be of much help. When the divorce news comes out people are going to make assumptions and pass judgements”. 

“But they will get a benefit of doubt at least, if they deny it now.”

“You’re right. Try to convince Pallavi, I’ll do my best with Pranav”

“Ok bye”

“Uh....Jasmine”

“Yeah?”

“We just talked like normal people!!!!!!!!”

She rolled her eyes at his attempt to flirt even at this juncture and cut the call.

                                                       *************

Cheers!

Shyam Nadir is feeling really good. He has thrown a lavish party for his friends. Some of his media contacts are also present. He slowly twirled his drink. Music is barring loud and hall is covered with inebriated people. Shyam opened his tablet and read that bookmarked news, one more time.

                                       “Hottest Scandal Ever”

Mumbai: World woke up today to the news of actress Pallavi Nanda being attacked on the sets by angry mob. Is she having an affair with Pranav Malhotra? Did they or didn’t they? This is the hot question right now. Rumours of their alleged relationship have hit the newspaper columns many a times in the past. But this time the rumour seems to be strong and is confirmed by a reliable source.

Owing to the rumours, both had stopped working with each other in the past but Suraj Gupta’s dream project reunited the hot ‘onscreen couple’ once again. But that is not the only reason for this rumour to get highlight. Apparently, there are rumours about a divorce being filed between Mr and Mrs. Malhotra. But there is no confirmation yet.

 Pallavi Nanda started her career opposite Pranav Malhotra . It is now being heard that she made her way into industry with Malhotra’s influence. If the rumour turns out to be true, then Pallavi Nanda is the new mistress on the block.

“Take that Ms. Pallavi Nanda. Now you know what the price of rejecting Shyam Nadir is”.

                                                 ************

It took Pallavi and Pranav some time to come to terms with what was happening around them. She was shattered after the mob attack and Pranav was worried. She knew she couldn’t avoid her parents’ queries any further. They’ve literally reached that point of their relationship, when it’s time to face consequences.

“We will face whatever comes our way together – be it hate or shame! We are in this together, so we will face the consequences together”, Pranav assured her and she agreed to it.

But they could not stay at his farmhouse for long. Media is behind them with hawk eyes. Though Pranav didn’t want to leave her alone, they were advised by Viren and Jasmine to lay low for a while. It seemed like they had to maintain this status quo for a longer while.

                                                                   *********

Pallavi tried her best to convince her parents. She confessed the truth to them and as expected they are livid with rage. They are not ready to accept her relationship with Pranav and demanded her to agree to a proposal they choose for her. Pallavi had some professional commitments left and citing that as a reason, she bought time and promised to rethink for their sake. But Veer and Laxmi could not rest in peace after that. The phone never stopped to ring and all their relatives, friends and media equally tried to barge into their personal space, forcing them even more to make the right decision for their daughter soon. They tried for marriage alliances with full force and are all set to drag their daughter out of this relationship. They are adamant and Pallavi didn’t know how long she could hold on. She will have to make some choices very soon. But is she ready for them?!

But choose she will have to. Her professional life is also at stake. Directors and producers who contacted her earlier for dates are not giving any confirmation now. Unceremoniously she’s dropped from projects and not even given a clear explanation. Right now, she only has Bharka’s project which is still facing trouble. Media is giving great hype to this affair and spoiling Pallavi’s goodwill. Though Pranav is also being shamed, the focus is more on Pallavi. His career is still unaffected unlike hers. It is always women who have to pay for such relationships more than their male counterparts.

Veer and Laxmi are facing rejection from all corners. Nisha has shifted to Munnar to support her parents in this trying time. Not to mention, her in-laws’ house has now turned more hostile due to her baby sister. So she needed this change as well. Apart from Viren and Jasmine who are supporting them as friends and some shippers of their on-screen pairing, no one is supporting Pranav and Pallavi. Her old friends are divided in their opinion and are finding it hard to support her. Professional friendships have also changed its colour in no time. Meanwhile Pranav tries to fast forward the divorce proceedings and media did get a whiff of it and blew it out of proportion.

It just led to more destruction of Pallavi’s image. Though they denied the affair in public and Pranav even issued an official statement regarding this matter, they found very little support from public. Random people took to social media to simply tarnish Pallavi. People are commenting about her as if they knew her inside out. Some were demeaning her character, some questioning her parents’ upbringing and some her motives. The ratio of fingers rose at Pranav and his stardom is lesser. Not that this didn’t affect his image, but Pallavi faced severe backlash compared to him. Shyam Nadir is completely enjoying their destruction.

                                           ******************

When all this hullaballoo is happening down in India, Janaki is far away in Dubai walking amidst the crowd, unseen. In between her business commitments, she’s trying to deal with her pain and sort her head out in this unknown land. Being amidst strangers gives her freedom to not rein in her emotions. She walks ahead slowly and comes to a standstill seeing the setting sun. It reminded her of her life that is slowly fading out! But like the sun, that will rise the next day, will her life get another chance? 

CHAPTER - 15

                                         

Pranav informed Pallavi what transpired between Janaki and him.

Can’t even imagine what Janaki might be going through. And to face the fact that I’m also a reason for her plight makes me feel worse. What if Janaki’s life never resurrect after Pranav! Only if I could’ve attainted my happiness without hurting anyone!

She knew it is just wistful thinking. Now that she has entered the ‘no-entry’ zone, there is no going back. But she felt ashamed for where she stood in Janaki’s life; she couldn’t help but feel guilty.

                                               ******************   

It is a free weekend for Pallavi, so she decided to catch-up with Jasmine at her apartment. They settled on the chairs placed in her large balcony.

“I am feeling like a criminal Jas”

“C’mon Pallavi, are you seriously moping on this even now?”

“What do you mean even now?”

“Is Pranav moping on this along with you?”

“Well, I don't know. I don't think so. He isn’t affected as I’m”.

“That is because he feels he is doing the right thing for himself. I bet that he is already feeling divorced. And you are here inventing reasons to feel worse”.

“Do I need to invent reasons, aren’t there enough already? Can you imagine what it is like to be in Janaki’s place? How can I not feel guilty for being the cause of her pain? When will I ever get over this?

“When Janaki learns to live her life without Pranav in it”.

She sighed.  

“Look Pallavi, you have two options before you – either follow what your heart says or what is expected of you.  Irrespective of right or wrong, this is what you want at the end of the day. So be bold enough to accept it and its consequences. Just don’t try to deceive yourself. Because I feel deceiving one’s own self is more difficult than deceiving others”.

“I know Jas. Do you think I haven’t analysed and reanalyzed all this? I don’t want to cheat my parents trust or Janaki off her life, but I can’t help it. I still don’t know how my parents are going to react. I just hope Janaki finds peace in life and my parents will forgive me someday. But until then I cannot shake of this feeling of guilt within me”.

“First get this straight; you are not the cause of Janaki’s pain. Many women desire Pranav. But he reciprocated your feelings. So he is the cause of her pain. It is his action of loving you back that hurt her; not you loving him. It wouldn't have mattered, if Pranav was faithful to her”.

“You’re right, but I can't rule out the fact that maybe if I did not happen to them...Pranav would have continued the marriage”.

“If you want to be guilty, I'm no one to stop you. But remember this, if you are going to blame yourself, you'll not find a moment's peace”.

There is a long stretch of silence as they sip their coffees. 

“I’m scared Jas, what if all this is momentary?”

“Life itself is momentary Pallavi! Nothing is permanent. You can only be sure of this moment and it passes away even before you can assert it in your mind”.

 She nodded.

“You both are in this together. So face the result with joined hands. If tomorrow you find yourself alone to face the situation, then be brave enough to take it in. You know this relationship is not going to be easy. Trust me, I don't have faith that this will last. So live in the moment and leave the future for what it will be. If you are able to enjoy your present, that will give you the strength to face the consequences -good or bad, in future. Make this moment all yours. If you succeed in doing that, nothing else matters”.

“Hmm, I hope I can do that”.

“Look, YOU have happened to him and HE has happened to you, so just accept this fact and live with it. Do that and you will be at peace. No matter how guilty you are feeling now, the truth is if you want, you can let go of this love even now. But you don't want to.  Admit it, you are selfish. Pranav has been able to do that and that’s the reason he is handling the situation in a much better way than you. Sometimes accepting you are human, helps in living like one!”

Pallavi stares at the sky.

Life is going to get tougher.

                                                **************

Pallavi’s car came to a stop in front of Pranav’s farmhouse. She is having a break between her shoots for a week and Pranav has asked her to join him at his farmhouse, since the place will allow them some privacy.

Pranav is setting the dinner table for them. He is an expert cook and has specially prepared his masterpiece delicacies for her. And in that moment she realized any amount of shame, pain, even guilt is worth bearing, if this is the sight she could come home to in years to come.

She walked up to him and hugged him from behind. Pranav is surprised. He saw what he always desired to see on her face - clarity and determination, about them.

“What happened Pallavi?”

“What happened to me? Why, will I need a reason to hug you?”

She hugged him again, but this time resting her head on his chest, listening to his heart beats. He smiled at her words and held her close to him.

                                                  *************

Pranav is trimming his plants while Pallavi is engrossed in Pasternak’s novel Dr. Zhivago' sitting on the swing in the garden. Tears were rolling down her eyes; she closed the book, ran and hugged Dev from behind. He raised his eyebrow mockingly and questioned her without turning back.

“Now what happened to your hero?”

“Oh, I feel so sorry for Zhivago and Lara. Both of them love each other deeply; yet fate isn’t on their side!”

“Pallavi, it’s immature to get emotional on fictions”

 “You won’t understand”

He sighed while her face suddenly lit up with a naughty smile.

“King, from today I am going to call you Zhivago”.

“WHAT THE!!!!! Pallavi, you are mad, you know that right?”

“I know my Zhivago”

Saying that she rested her cheek on his back smiling widely; and Pranav couldn’t help the half smile that broke on his face.

                                              **************

Pallavi walked out of the temple with her shawl covering her face from others. When she came down the steps, Pranav is sitting inside the car waiting for her.  She knew he is an atheist; but she didn't question his belief and he didn't question hers as well. They had a mutual respect for each other which naturally allowed them to have their own space in the relationship.

                                             ****************

They are watching the bewitching beauty of beach at night.

“Why don't you like beaches Pallavi? Doesn’t a sense of calm engulf you listening to the waves lashing at the shore?”

“I feel so sad and melancholic whenever I see beach!”

Pranav looked at her for one long moment.

"After tonight, you won't hate beach ever!”

After some time, Pranav races his bike through the wet shore splashing the water on all sides, while Pallavi sat clutching his forearm for support. Slowly, she let go off her fear and spread her arms in the air closing her eyes; lost in the sound of the waves; she slowly lifted the glass shield of her helmet to get hit by the pressure of the wind beating her face which came along with Pranav's unique scent.
 

After some time,

“Now do you like beaches?”

“I don't know. But this memory will always fill my mind with happiness”.

They are taking each day as it comes, and living up to their fantasies. Who knows, what awaits them tomorrow!!!!!