CHAPTER - 16

    

Pallavi finished her first schedule for Girish Bharka’s film with this scene. Suraj Gupta’s project with Pranav has been completed two weeks back and while Pranav is concentrating on his advertisements, Pallavi started shooting for Bharka’s film.

Right from the time she reached set, she is confused by the strange stares coming her way. From spot boys to Producer is staring at her when they thought she isn’t watching. In fact the Producer seems tensed and she did catch him glaring at her more than once. She also saw the Director and Producer involved in a heated discussion. And when they came to her a little later they just talked about the shot and seemed unclear regarding the next schedule. Though she felt something amiss, she ignored that thought.

But just as she left the studio, an angry mob covered her car from all sides. Securities at the studio, and her bodyguards tried to control them. The mob is screaming something in anger while hitting the glass windows of the car. Her breath hitched when she heard their words.

”WE DON’T WANT A HOMEWRECKER AS ACTRESS. BAN PALLAVI NANDA”

They are here to halt the shoot and have Pallavi removed from the film. Not just this film, they are adamant on not letting her act in films hereafter. They pledged to create ruckus at every set she is going to be part of.

Pallavi is bewildered at this unexpected amount of hate and she didn’t see the stone aimed at her. Though it could not crack the glass and hit her, the bruise has been made. She couldn’t contain her shock. 

Media reached within minutes. They started covering the issue with enthusiasm; completely ready to make this their meal for the day. Police also arrived when things escalated. They made way for her car to pass through the mob.  

Pallavi watched through the dark tainted glass windows, her posters and effigy getting burned. Her smiling face reduced to ashes before her eyes. The placards read words that would forever be sealed in her mind. She felt tears clouding her eyes.

                                                       ************

“How the hell did this leak Viren?”

Pranav is on phone with Viren while driving to his farmhouse. He’s just back from Dubai after an ad shoot, and sleeping when all this happened. It was Viren who informed him of the commotion at Pallavi’s set. Immediately he turned on the news channels and got bewildered by the attack on her. Though he wanted to leave for her sets immediately, Viren pointed out that it will bring in unwanted attention. So he asked Pallavi’s driver to take her to his farmhouse making sure there’s no tail behind them from media and is heading there.

“Don’t panic. Such news doesn’t remain hidden for long. Already there were speculations. You have to decide the next step now”.

“I don’t want to hide anything. I was just waiting for the divorce to come through”.

“Pallavi will get questions from her family. Ask her to be prepared”.

“It shouldn’t have come out like this. Pallavi doesn’t deserve this Viren”.

“She decided to get involved in such a relationship. So she must be ready to face the consequences. The only thing you can do now is be with her. She needs you and also decide together how you want to handle this issue”.

“Hmm okay”

                                                          *************

Laxmi was making breakfast for her husband when she heard the news blasting loud on TV. She rushed to the living room knowing very well her husband is listening to the news.

“What is all this? Is our baby safe?”

“Hey don’t panic Laxmi. She’s fine. You just try calling her”

“Yeah”

Her fingers trembled as she tried to dial. Veer took the phone from her and asked her to relax. He tried Pallavi’s number which went unanswered.

“Why is she not picking up our call? Is she ok? Did they hurt her?”

She could see the mob attacking her car and throwing stones and burning her effigy. Laxmi couldn’t keep calm.

“Doesn’t she know we will be worried? Can’t she give us a call and let us know she’s fine?”

“Hey Laxmi, relax. It’s nothing. All this is just part of her career. Fame and such issues go hand in hand in that field. Our daughter is fine. See even in the footage shown, she’s not hurt. She might be handling the news and things. She will definitely give us a call. Meanwhile I’ll try to get through her team”

She couldn’t relax. The attack did scare her, but she is worried over the reason behind this attack.

Being an actress, my daughter is often dragged into rumours. But never had it led to any such atrocious act, then why now?

She couldn’t bring herself to believe this rumour.

No...No....I have raised my daughter better than this. I can’t mistrust her. She will never go against our values. This is fake news. They are attacking my child for nothing.

“Laxmi”

She raised her eyes to him. He wiped her forehead which had sweat beads on it. 

“Don’t you have faith in our daughter? She will never do this. I know my child”.

She hugged her husband.

“Our daughter will never bring shame to our name. She will never break my trust; neither will she let my dignity be maligned. I have complete faith in our Pallavi”.

For now, Laxmi tried to find assurance in her husband’s unshakable faith in their daughter.

“We shouldn’t delay her marriage anymore. She can continue her career even after marriage. At least now you should listen to me. Don’t give in to her pleads for more time”.

“Hmm, we’ll think about it. Right now let’s just not over react. Pallavi needs our support right now”.

When he saw Laxmi all set to protest he consoled her.

“But yes, we will contemplate it seriously this time”. 

For now that assured her.

I won’t rest until my daughter’s life is settled.

                                                    ********************

 Nisha is serving tea to her in- laws after she’s back from work. Her sister’s scandal is the hot topic of discussion in the room. Seeing their displeasure and comments about Pallavi she is getting affected. Akash who is also listening to his parents rant, raised his eyes and met hers. He silently blinked his eyes in assurance. She just hoped this news doesn’t turn out to be true.

It wouldn’t be good for anyone.

                                             ***************

                                                                                                                             

Jasmine is driving her bike when her cell began to ring relentlessly. She parked her bike and attended the call hurriedly.

“Jasmine, it’s me Viren”

“This scandal will affect Pallavi more than Pranav. I hope you guys are handling it right?!”

“His team is controlling the media outlets. But then people will talk. For now they will have to lay low and not respond to this news”

“But I think they should deny the link up for now so that it will pass as a rumour. That will be healthier for Pallavi’s career”.

“I know, but I guess they are planning to come out in the public”

“That will be suicidal. At least not until his divorce comes through”

“Hmm maybe he can reveal about his divorce but deny this rumour. But I don’t think it will be of much help. When the divorce news comes out people are going to make assumptions and pass judgements”. 

“But they will get a benefit of doubt at least, if they deny it now.”

“You’re right. Try to convince Pallavi, I’ll do my best with Pranav”

“Ok bye”

“Uh....Jasmine”

“Yeah?”

“We just talked like normal people!!!!!!!!”

She rolled her eyes at his attempt to flirt even at this juncture and cut the call.

                                                       *************

Cheers!

Shyam Nadir is feeling really good. He has thrown a lavish party for his friends. Some of his media contacts are also present. He slowly twirled his drink. Music is barring loud and hall is covered with inebriated people. Shyam opened his tablet and read that bookmarked news, one more time.

                                       “Hottest Scandal Ever”

Mumbai: World woke up today to the news of actress Pallavi Nanda being attacked on the sets by angry mob. Is she having an affair with Pranav Malhotra? Did they or didn’t they? This is the hot question right now. Rumours of their alleged relationship have hit the newspaper columns many a times in the past. But this time the rumour seems to be strong and is confirmed by a reliable source.

Owing to the rumours, both had stopped working with each other in the past but Suraj Gupta’s dream project reunited the hot ‘onscreen couple’ once again. But that is not the only reason for this rumour to get highlight. Apparently, there are rumours about a divorce being filed between Mr and Mrs. Malhotra. But there is no confirmation yet.

 Pallavi Nanda started her career opposite Pranav Malhotra . It is now being heard that she made her way into industry with Malhotra’s influence. If the rumour turns out to be true, then Pallavi Nanda is the new mistress on the block.

“Take that Ms. Pallavi Nanda. Now you know what the price of rejecting Shyam Nadir is”.

                                                 ************

It took Pallavi and Pranav some time to come to terms with what was happening around them. She was shattered after the mob attack and Pranav was worried. She knew she couldn’t avoid her parents’ queries any further. They’ve literally reached that point of their relationship, when it’s time to face consequences.

“We will face whatever comes our way together – be it hate or shame! We are in this together, so we will face the consequences together”, Pranav assured her and she agreed to it.

But they could not stay at his farmhouse for long. Media is behind them with hawk eyes. Though Pranav didn’t want to leave her alone, they were advised by Viren and Jasmine to lay low for a while. It seemed like they had to maintain this status quo for a longer while.

                                                                   *********

Pallavi tried her best to convince her parents. She confessed the truth to them and as expected they are livid with rage. They are not ready to accept her relationship with Pranav and demanded her to agree to a proposal they choose for her. Pallavi had some professional commitments left and citing that as a reason, she bought time and promised to rethink for their sake. But Veer and Laxmi could not rest in peace after that. The phone never stopped to ring and all their relatives, friends and media equally tried to barge into their personal space, forcing them even more to make the right decision for their daughter soon. They tried for marriage alliances with full force and are all set to drag their daughter out of this relationship. They are adamant and Pallavi didn’t know how long she could hold on. She will have to make some choices very soon. But is she ready for them?!

But choose she will have to. Her professional life is also at stake. Directors and producers who contacted her earlier for dates are not giving any confirmation now. Unceremoniously she’s dropped from projects and not even given a clear explanation. Right now, she only has Bharka’s project which is still facing trouble. Media is giving great hype to this affair and spoiling Pallavi’s goodwill. Though Pranav is also being shamed, the focus is more on Pallavi. His career is still unaffected unlike hers. It is always women who have to pay for such relationships more than their male counterparts.

Veer and Laxmi are facing rejection from all corners. Nisha has shifted to Munnar to support her parents in this trying time. Not to mention, her in-laws’ house has now turned more hostile due to her baby sister. So she needed this change as well. Apart from Viren and Jasmine who are supporting them as friends and some shippers of their on-screen pairing, no one is supporting Pranav and Pallavi. Her old friends are divided in their opinion and are finding it hard to support her. Professional friendships have also changed its colour in no time. Meanwhile Pranav tries to fast forward the divorce proceedings and media did get a whiff of it and blew it out of proportion.

It just led to more destruction of Pallavi’s image. Though they denied the affair in public and Pranav even issued an official statement regarding this matter, they found very little support from public. Random people took to social media to simply tarnish Pallavi. People are commenting about her as if they knew her inside out. Some were demeaning her character, some questioning her parents’ upbringing and some her motives. The ratio of fingers rose at Pranav and his stardom is lesser. Not that this didn’t affect his image, but Pallavi faced severe backlash compared to him. Shyam Nadir is completely enjoying their destruction.

                                           ******************

When all this hullaballoo is happening down in India, Janaki is far away in Dubai walking amidst the crowd, unseen. In between her business commitments, she’s trying to deal with her pain and sort her head out in this unknown land. Being amidst strangers gives her freedom to not rein in her emotions. She walks ahead slowly and comes to a standstill seeing the setting sun. It reminded her of her life that is slowly fading out! But like the sun, that will rise the next day, will her life get another chance? 

CHAPTER - 15

                                         

Pranav informed Pallavi what transpired between Janaki and him.

Can’t even imagine what Janaki might be going through. And to face the fact that I’m also a reason for her plight makes me feel worse. What if Janaki’s life never resurrect after Pranav! Only if I could’ve attainted my happiness without hurting anyone!

She knew it is just wistful thinking. Now that she has entered the ‘no-entry’ zone, there is no going back. But she felt ashamed for where she stood in Janaki’s life; she couldn’t help but feel guilty.

                                               ******************   

It is a free weekend for Pallavi, so she decided to catch-up with Jasmine at her apartment. They settled on the chairs placed in her large balcony.

“I am feeling like a criminal Jas”

“C’mon Pallavi, are you seriously moping on this even now?”

“What do you mean even now?”

“Is Pranav moping on this along with you?”

“Well, I don't know. I don't think so. He isn’t affected as I’m”.

“That is because he feels he is doing the right thing for himself. I bet that he is already feeling divorced. And you are here inventing reasons to feel worse”.

“Do I need to invent reasons, aren’t there enough already? Can you imagine what it is like to be in Janaki’s place? How can I not feel guilty for being the cause of her pain? When will I ever get over this?

“When Janaki learns to live her life without Pranav in it”.

She sighed.  

“Look Pallavi, you have two options before you – either follow what your heart says or what is expected of you.  Irrespective of right or wrong, this is what you want at the end of the day. So be bold enough to accept it and its consequences. Just don’t try to deceive yourself. Because I feel deceiving one’s own self is more difficult than deceiving others”.

“I know Jas. Do you think I haven’t analysed and reanalyzed all this? I don’t want to cheat my parents trust or Janaki off her life, but I can’t help it. I still don’t know how my parents are going to react. I just hope Janaki finds peace in life and my parents will forgive me someday. But until then I cannot shake of this feeling of guilt within me”.

“First get this straight; you are not the cause of Janaki’s pain. Many women desire Pranav. But he reciprocated your feelings. So he is the cause of her pain. It is his action of loving you back that hurt her; not you loving him. It wouldn't have mattered, if Pranav was faithful to her”.

“You’re right, but I can't rule out the fact that maybe if I did not happen to them...Pranav would have continued the marriage”.

“If you want to be guilty, I'm no one to stop you. But remember this, if you are going to blame yourself, you'll not find a moment's peace”.

There is a long stretch of silence as they sip their coffees. 

“I’m scared Jas, what if all this is momentary?”

“Life itself is momentary Pallavi! Nothing is permanent. You can only be sure of this moment and it passes away even before you can assert it in your mind”.

 She nodded.

“You both are in this together. So face the result with joined hands. If tomorrow you find yourself alone to face the situation, then be brave enough to take it in. You know this relationship is not going to be easy. Trust me, I don't have faith that this will last. So live in the moment and leave the future for what it will be. If you are able to enjoy your present, that will give you the strength to face the consequences -good or bad, in future. Make this moment all yours. If you succeed in doing that, nothing else matters”.

“Hmm, I hope I can do that”.

“Look, YOU have happened to him and HE has happened to you, so just accept this fact and live with it. Do that and you will be at peace. No matter how guilty you are feeling now, the truth is if you want, you can let go of this love even now. But you don't want to.  Admit it, you are selfish. Pranav has been able to do that and that’s the reason he is handling the situation in a much better way than you. Sometimes accepting you are human, helps in living like one!”

Pallavi stares at the sky.

Life is going to get tougher.

                                                **************

Pallavi’s car came to a stop in front of Pranav’s farmhouse. She is having a break between her shoots for a week and Pranav has asked her to join him at his farmhouse, since the place will allow them some privacy.

Pranav is setting the dinner table for them. He is an expert cook and has specially prepared his masterpiece delicacies for her. And in that moment she realized any amount of shame, pain, even guilt is worth bearing, if this is the sight she could come home to in years to come.

She walked up to him and hugged him from behind. Pranav is surprised. He saw what he always desired to see on her face - clarity and determination, about them.

“What happened Pallavi?”

“What happened to me? Why, will I need a reason to hug you?”

She hugged him again, but this time resting her head on his chest, listening to his heart beats. He smiled at her words and held her close to him.

                                                  *************

Pranav is trimming his plants while Pallavi is engrossed in Pasternak’s novel Dr. Zhivago' sitting on the swing in the garden. Tears were rolling down her eyes; she closed the book, ran and hugged Dev from behind. He raised his eyebrow mockingly and questioned her without turning back.

“Now what happened to your hero?”

“Oh, I feel so sorry for Zhivago and Lara. Both of them love each other deeply; yet fate isn’t on their side!”

“Pallavi, it’s immature to get emotional on fictions”

 “You won’t understand”

He sighed while her face suddenly lit up with a naughty smile.

“King, from today I am going to call you Zhivago”.

“WHAT THE!!!!! Pallavi, you are mad, you know that right?”

“I know my Zhivago”

Saying that she rested her cheek on his back smiling widely; and Pranav couldn’t help the half smile that broke on his face.

                                              **************

Pallavi walked out of the temple with her shawl covering her face from others. When she came down the steps, Pranav is sitting inside the car waiting for her.  She knew he is an atheist; but she didn't question his belief and he didn't question hers as well. They had a mutual respect for each other which naturally allowed them to have their own space in the relationship.

                                             ****************

They are watching the bewitching beauty of beach at night.

“Why don't you like beaches Pallavi? Doesn’t a sense of calm engulf you listening to the waves lashing at the shore?”

“I feel so sad and melancholic whenever I see beach!”

Pranav looked at her for one long moment.

"After tonight, you won't hate beach ever!”

After some time, Pranav races his bike through the wet shore splashing the water on all sides, while Pallavi sat clutching his forearm for support. Slowly, she let go off her fear and spread her arms in the air closing her eyes; lost in the sound of the waves; she slowly lifted the glass shield of her helmet to get hit by the pressure of the wind beating her face which came along with Pranav's unique scent.
 

After some time,

“Now do you like beaches?”

“I don't know. But this memory will always fill my mind with happiness”.

They are taking each day as it comes, and living up to their fantasies. Who knows, what awaits them tomorrow!!!!!

CHAPTER – 14

Janaki was resting in their room when Pranav walked in.

“Pranav what happened? You were supposed to be back next week!

He walked up to her.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, resting as usual. My business is suffering though. I don’t know how long it can go like this. These tests, bed rest, I hope we get a positive result soon”.

“Janaki”

She saw a serious expression on his face.

“We need to talk”

“We will, but are you okay?”

She saw he is finding it difficult to talk.

“What’s it, tell me?”

For a while he did not know how to present the matter and remained silent.

  

“I have something to tell you, something....unpleasant”.

She knew something is off and waited for him to continue.  

“We both know we did not believe in marriage or love when we got married. It was an arranged marriage that suited our convenience”.  

“I would like to assert the past tense here. It was a marriage of convenience, but I think we’ve come a long way”.

When Pranav didn’t say anything for a while, she knew she wouldn’t like what she’s going to hear!

“Pallavi”

Janaki didn’t know how to react for a while. It is indeed a blow for her.

“You do know right, this is not something a woman would like to hear from the man she’s married to, especially when she’s on bed rest owing to treatments undergone for a child with him?”

He couldn’t respond to it. Silence clouds the room. Janaki could feel tears rolling down from her eyes on its own. Her voice is cracked when she addresses him next.

“So, what are you going to do about it? Why are you telling me this now? Is this some sort of a confession about a momentary lapse?”

“I wish to start a life with Pallavi”

She couldn’t believe what she’s hearing. One of her worst nightmares is coming true.

“What about me, I’m your WIFE!”

“This relationship is not working from a long time Janaki”.

It took her some time to respond to that. Her face had turned ashen! She tried hard to control her stammering voice when she spoke again. 

“What do you mean? We’ve had our share of ups and downs. But every marriage does. A relationship needs constant effort from both of us to keep it alive. If you feel it’s not working, then communicate with me. We’ll try and work on the issues”.

“For how long Janaki? Aren’t all these years behind us enough? If we couldn’t achieve a sane relationship in all these years what’s going to change now?”

“But you never told me you were feeling like this Pranav. Maybe if you did, we would have already worked out the issues. Every marriage goes through such phases. But it doesn’t mean we should end it. Let’s not repeat our parents mistakes Pranav”.

“Exactly Janaki, I don’t want to repeat my parents’ mistake, of staying in a marriage I don’t want”.

“Pranav...” she choked.

“I’m sorry for doing this Janaki. But I seriously can’t go on like this”, he sat beside her.

“Is it because of my insecurities? Or my inability to give you a child; or because I could never satisfy you? For which mistake of mine am I getting punished?”

“I’ve stopped being happy in this relationship for a long time now Janaki. I don’t want to blame you or punish you for anything. Consider it as my weakness”.

Tears never stopped.

“Since when....”

“I don’t know exactly”

“But.....you were with me Pranav. Last few years, we’ve been trying for a child. Which all doctors, temples we visited; and you were always there beside me. I know...I know I’ve been an emotional mess lately....but I valued your presence Pranav, I respected you, loved you for your constant support. When did it all change? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to....end everything for a....long time now. But I knew you needed me, I just didn’t feel like leaving you alone”.

“So...... (she resolutely wiped her tears though new ones dropped soon after).....it was sympathy. I was a pity case for you”.

“Janaki”

“Did you ever love me Pranav”, it was a mere whisper.

“Maybe I just grew out of those feelings”, he didn’t want to hurt her more.

“What if...you grew out of your current feelings too?”

“I don’t know. But irrespective of that, I think separation is best for us. Even if Pallavi denied or if she didn’t exist in my life, someday this was bound to happen Janaki”.

“You hate me that much?”

“I don’t hate you but I don’t want that to happen in future”.

She’s heard enough. She closed her eyes, tears still streaming beyond her control. At that moment, she knew everything is over between them for him. But she didn't burst out or lose herself before him. She wanted to scream at him, beg him to give them a chance. But when she opened her mouth she only had one thing to ask.

“So there is no chance for ‘us’ anymore?”

He felt bad for doing this to her.

It is not fair by any means; I can never justify myself for hurting her; but I know this is best for us. It’s better to end this now than end up hating and hurting each other, like his parents’ did.

“I’m sorry Janaki”

She diverted her gaze to the windows. They sat like that for some time in silence.

“I need some time Pranav. What you told today is not something I wished to hear. I don’t know how to deal with this now. I need time”.

He nodded at her words and left her hand. He stood up, his eyes still on her. But she refused to meet his eyes. He slowly walked out of the room.

Hours later she sat under the shower, her body shaking with the wails.

                                               ****************

Radhika: Stop irritating me Ashok. This is my life. Just because I am your wife, I’m supposed to give up my happiness?

Ashok: So me and my daughter mean nothing to you?

Radhika: Ashok please. Why are you bringing our daughter into this?

Ashok: I'm not bringing her in Radhika. She is already there; she is a very important part of our life.

Radhika: I know that. You needn't remind me always.

Ashok: I have to; because often you seem to forget that you are a mother too.

Radhika: Will you stop this nonsense?

The argument went on.………..Nobody saw a lonely 7 year old girl standing behind the door - trembling with fear and uncertainty……….

                                         ****************

Judge: As the couple has decided to get separated and the term given to them to rethink has not brought any change in their decision, the court hereby declare their divorce to take place. As the girl child is just 11 years old, her custody is being handed over to her mother. She can meet her father once every year during her summer vacation. Court adjourned.

Radhika: Bad luck Ashok! I told you, Radhika Thilakan never loses. I gained freedom from you and also won the custody of my daughter.

Ashok: I just hope she doesn't grow up like you.

Radhika: How dare you??

The argument again went on……but nobody saw the dreams of a young Janaki being shattered; her dream of living in a ‘home’ with her father ‘and’ mother!

                                          ******************

Pranav's declaration felt like a hard blow, one which she did not see coming.

I was aware of the shifts in our marriage. But we never really had a smooth run; no marriages did. Fissures existed in our marital life always. The lacklustre sexual life did make me conscious; but Pranav had been patient and gave me time to come into myself. I had feared and even made peace with an abrupt end to our relationship back then. But his grandmother’s demise brought us emotionally close. We both got a new lease at life.

I was always conscious about being dependant on a man. Love, marriage came with a caution tag for me, after witnessing my parents’ debacle. I don’t know when and how, but, Pranav became my life; after Papa’s demise, even more so. I know I often pushed him to his limits with my emotional self. But that is my basic nature with my loved ones. I don’t hide my vulnerabilities or eccentricities. What is the point of hiding behind masks when what I need is authenticity?! I gave him exactly what I wanted from him. I wanted him to find that anchor in me too; the bouncing board to hit on, unconditionally.

Didn’t I accept him too, with his entire plus and minus?! He lacked in communication and that has severely hampered our relationship. Despite wanting to be emotionally connected I knew he’s not someone who can express emotions. His silence, lack of emotional connect, I had made my peace with all that too. Isn’t that what a marriage entails? To accept and co exist with your partner, as they are?!

When I couldn’t conceive I did think of letting him go. But HE stood beside me, giving me strength whenever I lost myself. My love for him grew even more. I was just hoping that the advent of a child in our lives would make it more beautiful. What more did I need, I had a husband who was always supporting, bore all my eccentricities, was beside me in all my lows and highs. He was my best friend.

All that was a lie! He was acting! Nothing was real. Where did everything go wrong?

She sobbed into her knees. Her life has shattered forever!!

                                       **************

Pranav and Janaki could not avoid their confrontation for long. She took her time to come to a decision and when she did, she called up Pranav for a conversation.

“One day I had a life that I was contented with, and the next thing I know is I’m all alone. You threw me off my balance Pranav.”

She walked towards him as she talked and saw him going to say something.

"No, please let me complete" she came and stood in front of him and looked in his eyes.

 "Pranav, you know I love you....I don't know when I started loving you... we both were of same nature, two lonely souls bounded by a convenient relationship. We were going fine...Weren’t we? Remember that day when I was sick and woke up in your arms, your care, concern all night....that was the day I realized I have feelings for you...I thought with time, when we had our happy days, we were finally on the same page. What I didn’t know is me letting my guards down around you and being my real self with you, would scare you to the extent of finding someone else to fill my shoes”.

"One minute Janaki. Pallavi is not here to fill your shoes. She has a place and role in my life which is something maybe only she and I can understand. But that doesn’t mean you are nothing to me. It is just that I couldn’t love you the way you desired, the way you deserve. You are a wonderful woman and I did try sincerely but somewhere we drifted apart. It is not because of Pallavi, even if she didn’t come to my life, we would not have worked out Janaki. I had stopped loving you for a long time”.

 THAT HURT.

"I get it. But you must also understand that I’m in love with you; I’m stuck there still...Pallavi has happened in your life Pranav, not in mine. Nothing has changed for me; I still love you. You were, you are and you always will be my only love”.

 "Believe me Janaki. I’m not happy doing this to you. But I don’t have any another option. We just don’t have a future together. You are a nice woman. Any man would want you in his life”. 

Janaki smiled, her eyes stung with unshed tears.

“But you don’t want me in your life Pranav! If my flaws troubled you, if you needed space, you should’ve made me aware of it. Yes I should’ve noticed or at least made sure not to push too much, I shouldn’t have become so dependent on you. I shouldn’t have allowed you such a power over me. But I have to say this, you communicating it at the right time would’ve perhaps helped us, we’ll never know now. Instead of giving up at the cracks, we could have tried to work on them; after all a long term marriage demands that from the two people involved”.

He had no words to respond.

“I can give you the freedom you desire but that would kill me. I can also be equally selfish like you, trying to hold on to my feelings, my needs alone. I’m in love, just like you are. I can say that’ll not give up without a fight; not give you an easy way out”.

“Janaki”

“I’m not done. I won’t lie Pranav, I did think along those lines. I didn’t want to let you go, I wanted to try and save my marriage, the stability and normalcy I have with you. But then is it really worth it? Should I hang on to a man who don’t need me? Yes it’ll take me a lot to get over this but I’d rather be miserable alone than miserable with you knowing that you cheated on me. You’ve already ruined all my good memories with you. I can never ever respect you again, the way I did until now. So what’s the point? Like you said, maybe a life together will ensure we end up hating each other; just like our parents”.

Heavy silence stretched between them until he spoke again.

“I’m sorry Janaki”

She turned away to hide her tears.

“For the past few years, I’ve spent each day of my life loving you. So I’ll do this. We’ll apply mutually for divorce. I want you out of my life”.

He didn’t miss the crack in her voice.  

 “I know I’ve wronged you Janaki. Maybe you are right, if I had stood up for our marriage instead of scheming lies perhaps we wouldn’t be facing this day. But now, I don’t want to go back; I don’t think you deserve it too” .

She didn’t respond to his guilt. It did nothing for her.

“I’m sorry for being selfish”.

“Door is on the right Pranav”.

After a while she heard the click of the door.

Everything is over.