CHAPTER – 12

               Pallavi lay on the bed with her eyes wide open. Shoot is going well; movie is framing up according to Suraj’s expectations.

 It is a deep passionate love story and demands brilliant performance from us.  But instead of acting we are kind of enlivening our feelings before the camera.

She remembers the song shoot they did recently.

Why is this treacherous heart aching? What are these emotions clouding within me? This is wrong, but then why does it feel so…..right? Why is my heart yearning for that one thing which can never be mine?

 She heard a knock on the door. Actually she had expected Pranav to come from the day she started this shoot. But somehow he hadn't disturbed her till now.

Maybe because the last time he came to my room, it had been a disaster and spoiled whatever we had. But it's now time we talk like adults, clear the air and move on.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door, but is surprised to see Shyam Nadir standing before her with his sickening smile. She quickly composed herself and addressed him in a professional tone.

“Mr. Nadir, you here? What is the matter?”

“Hello Pallavi (he elongated her name with extra sweetness), and nice to meet you; can I come inside?”

When she continued to give him a stern stare not moving from the door he continued.

“Actually, my current production is being shot in the same town. So I'm staying in this hotel”.

“But what brings you to my door at this late hour?”

“Oh did I disturb your beauty sleep?”

He gives out a dry laugh while she maintained a poker face.

“Chill, I won’t take much time. I just thought since we both are staying here maybe we could discuss a few things about our project which commences next month. I hope you haven’t forgotten that I'm the producer of it”.

“The discussions were to be held after I'm back to Mumbai. Now I’m busy with another project sir”.

“Can you at least let me in? It’s awkward standing like this in the doorway. I just want to talk, nothing else”.

Pallavi is suspicious of his intentions but she can't just close the door on his face too. She tried to avoid him politely.

“Mr. Nadir, if you don't mind can we have this discussion some other time? I'm not well, and need some rest”.

“I know everything about you and Pranav”, he gloated.

She is shocked at his direct statement and that confirmed for Shyam the information he got is right. He decided he is going to en-cash this in his favour. Pallavi composed herself quickly though and continued in a monotonous tone.

“I don’t know what you are talking about. Anyways I don’t have time for this now”.

“Pallavi....you don’t need to lie. I’m not going to judge you. This is very common in our industry. Sleeping with big shots for your career advancement is not a big deal”.

“THAT’S IT. I’m closing this door and you are leaving”.

She tried to bang the door on his face but he held it with his hand stopping her.

“Not so soon, let me finish what I came here for”.

He forced his entry into the room which got her enraged.

“You have no right to barge into my room like this. Leave or else I’m going to create a ruckus”.

“Relax Pallavi I'm not here to harm you. I know what is going on between you and him. Already there are rumours about you two and media just need evidence to blow it out of proportion. Do you want that?”

Maya was angry and afraid, but she knew he won’t leave until he dumb all his nonsense. So she waited patiently for him to finish.

“Don’t worry; I have no intention to degrade your name. But I can make matters worse too. It can affect your career and also your family. So all I'm asking you is to cooperate”.

“What do you mean?”

“You, I want you. I want the same thing that Pranav is getting from you. I want you to be with me like you are with…”

He couldn’t complete his lecherous thought, in few seconds he’s sprawled on the floor with a bleeding nose. Pallavi let out a gasp seeing the blood. A very enraged Pranav stood beside her after giving a hard punch to Shyam. Shyam coughed blood and got up on his feet.

“If you stay one more minute, your children won't be able to recognize their father hereafter”.

Shyam looked on with pure anger and loathing, first at Pranav and then Pallavi. Pranav covered her and stood before Shyam with raging eyes.

“Don't you DARE lay your eyes on her; it won't be good for you”.

“Don't think this ends here Pranav. Even I’m a big name in this industry. I have my own means to get back at you and your so-called Mistress”.

A tight slap resounded in the room. Shyam held his burning cheek, with closed eyes and grate his teeth.

“You will pay for this. I will make sure you both pay for this”.

After giving a final glare to Pallavi, he walks out of the room. Pranav had his hands fisted and is trying hard to control himself. Pallavi is numb. Shyam’s words made her feel disgusted. She looked at Pranav’s rigid profile. She knew his temper. She knew it will only take minutes before he bursts out. And as if on cue, he turned to her with anger evident in his eyes.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT PALLAVI? Haven't I told you to stay away from Shyam?”

She had hit her low with this incident and all her pent up feelings came forth with his display of anger.

“I didn’t invite him to my room. He came and just started delivering nonsense and I didn't know what to do. And even before I could react you were here to make matters worse”.

“Why did you give a reason for him to be in touch with you? Why did you sign Shyam's project? I have told you in clear terms that I don't want you to work for him ever”.

“And who the hell are you to dictate me? What I do in my life, who I work with, whom I’m with, it’s none of your business”.

“IT IS MY BUSINESS”.

“Why, why does it matter to you?”

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU DAMMIT”!!!!!!

For few seconds, she tried to deny his words to herself, but how long can she do it. Her eye moistened; but she couldn't bring herself to speak. Her heart is exploding with happiness hearing those words from him. But soon helplessness took over.

But there is no future for us; or is there....still a chance? What if I.....chose....present over future?

Conflicting emotions clenched her heart with that thought. He saw her face twitching with happiness first, then changing to confusion and finally settling on pain. Both shared a long eye lock. He felt uneasy when tears started rolling out of her eyes; he fisted his hands and left the room in 3 long strides.

At the door he turned back once and in controlled voice said, “Lock the door”.

And with that he left. She slowly moved to the door and locked it. Not to say, it was again a long night for them.

                                                   *************

Suraj is shooting a confrontation scene between Pranav and Pallavi. The character Ashok, played by Pranav is a man who found love after marriage and Pallavi is doing the part of his lover.

“What’s our future Ashok?”

“Priya...”

“We love each other. But is this right?”

“Maybe not, but I cannot live without you Pallavi, that’s the ultimate truth of my life”.

All the crew members stood still when they heard Pranav addressing as Pallavi instead of her character name. Everyone is clearly getting a hint of what is going on.

“CUT”

Pranav came back to his senses and became aware of his surroundings. Pallavi acted nonchalant though a storm is brewing within her; she tried to keep an expressionless face when her make-up artist came to do her touch up. The set resounded with some gushes and whispers among the crew regarding Pranav’s slip of tongue. Though it is a dialogue from the film, it affected them. They knew this and many such scenes to come ahead are going to be difficult for them personally.

“Pranav, Pallavi let’s go for a re-take. The lighting is not right in the last shot. And Pranav………………… it's Priya”.

Pranav didn’t miss the mild warning in his mentor’s words but he chose to ignore his stare. The set adjusted for a re-take.

Only if a re-take is possible in real life!!!!

                                                                                                            

                                                  **********

When Pallavi entered her caravan she saw Pranav waiting for her inside. His eyes were unfathomable. She signalled her make-up artist to leave them alone. She left with an understanding nod. Pallavi turned towards him after closing the door and the next second his lips landed on hers firmly. She knew this is coming. But she isn't sure if she should give in to her desires or walk out again for the sake of their families. Her heart and mind tugged her in two directions of right and wrong. Ultimately…….heart won! She kissed him back.

Pranav, whose mind feared the outcome of this kiss, who was apprehensive of Pallavi's reaction relaxed when she gave in. Both of them for once let all reason and thought vanish from their mind and gave into their emotions completely; into their impossible situation completely! When both were short of breath, Pranav pulled back and rested his forehead on hers. They stood like that with closed eyes. After what felt like ages, he opened his eyes and stared down at Pallavi. She still had her eyes closed maybe in fear of what she has to face now.

“I will be waiting in my car”.

She opened her eyes and stared into his astonishingly; the implication of his statement not lost on her.  He didn't tell anything more, the message is clearly conveyed. Now the decision is her’s to make. He walked out of the caravan.

 She sat down before the dressing table. For a long time she sat there contemplating her next move. She looked into the mirror in front of her. She gazed at her reflection as if asking herself what she wants.

When she walked out of the set with her bag, she saw Pranav waiting for her in his car as promised. She informed her manager something and then walked towards his car.

I know each step I’m taking ahead will cost me a lot in future…………….….I’m staking my honour, my family’s trust on me and perhaps everything I’ve earned so far!

But I also know that it is inevitable; we will eventually end up in this road sooner or later. There is no way out. It is meaningless to try and run away from this each time. We can't keep on pretending for the rest of our lives.

Whatever comes out of this will give us disgrace, but also happiness and satisfaction in abundance. We are plunging into a deep sea…………..but this deep sea is what we need more than the shore. This is a SIN…………..a sin in all sense but the most right thing to do to our own selves.

Yes this is a selfish decision. I’m not going to deny it. But right now nothing seems more right to me. My heart is asking me to embrace what I’m feeling and heart is seldom wrong in guiding us, right?

She got into the car. Both of them sat in silence for a moment, the enormity of their decision hanging over their heads. In few minutes the car moved forward…….into a new phase of their lives.